As an adult child, you may begin to notice your aging loved one requires more assistance and that they are increasingly in need of information and advice. You may find yourself becoming concerned that they are not handling things as well as they used to or that their safety is in jeopardy. It may be challenging, however, to discuss such issues with your aging loved one. Effectively communicating your feelings and concerns without putting them on the defensive may be a difficult task.
When talking with your aging loved one, it's important to use an approach that lets them know that you want to understand them better and that you are not trying to take over their lives. Your approach should show a willingness to work with them. You may find that they express a hesitancy to accept assistance from you or from community resources. They may not want to spend their money on services or other types of assistance. If you find your aging loved one not being cooperative, listen to what they are really saying. Their reluctance to change is not uncommon. It's important to remember that older adults need time to prepare for changes and to adjust to them. It's also important to emphasize their strengths and what they can do rather than dwell on what they can't.
Effective communication requires listening and acknowledging their feelings and opinions. It's important to talk with and not at your parents. The goal should be open, honest communication.
COMMUNICATION TIPS
- Provide information to your aging loved one regarding options and decisions that will affect them.
- Whenever possible and appropriate include your aging loved one in the decision-making process.
- Don't assume that you always know what your aging loved one needs or what they want.
- Pick your battles carefully. You may want to focus on safety concerns first.
- Find an appropriate time to talk that is good for both you and your aging loved one.
- Discuss problems and make an effort to find solutions by balancing the pros and cons.
- Listen to their feelings and find meanings behind the words being said.
- Limit your discussion to one topic at a time. Once resolved, move on to the next subject.
- Avoid using phrases such as "You never" or "You always." This can get in the way of open communication. It's much better to say something like, "I have some concerns about" or "I worry that…"
- Don't always be the bad guy.
You can enlist the help of a family doctor or trusted friend to back you up.
And keep in mind that if communication is difficult, it may be necessary to seek advice regarding your particular situation from the appropriate professional.
Carolyn Anderson, MA,
MSW, is a Social Worker
at Health Care Partners, Inc., a Medicare Certified, BCBSMI home healthcare
provider. This material is for informational assistance only. It is not intended to provide any reader with specific authority, advice or recommendations. For more information on HCP and how you can have a free consultation to see if a loved one needs their assistance call 248-358-1186 FAX: 248-784-3918
www.healthcarepartnersinc.com - sign up for e-news!
www.google.com/group/mifamilycaregivers
I think all family's should look at when a loved one needs help and assistance. Plus – like most company's – it's the people who make it happen. I'm sure you will be touched by Carolyn's message in the article (reprinted with permission; 1st appeared in Caring Magazine).
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